Just like when you announce any other life event, like marriage or having a baby, if you announce you’re getting a divorce, opinions will abound. Your loved ones just want to help, but some of their advice will just be bad. How do you know what will help you through this difficult process, and what …
The Worst Advice for Couples Considering Divorce Read More »
According to research by the renowned couples therapists at The Gottman Institute, partners wait an average of six years before getting help for marital problems. For many, this is because going to relationship counseling signals defeat. They wait for the major blowout fight, after which it’s impossible to ignore that they need help. But it …
Memoir may be my favorite genre because it brings such depth and nuance to our limited human experience. I believe in a world as complicated and divided as ours, we need the empathy that can be built by finding common ground; by seeing ourselves in the stories of others. I hope these memoirs help you …
Marriage isn’t easy, even for the most compatible people. Over the course of a long-term relationship, things will inevitably change, and therefore each partner’s needs may evolve. While maintaining a marriage takes a good bit of effort, most couples who make it through those challenging times agree that the effort is well worth it. And …
7 Most Important Advantages of Marriage Counseling Read More »
If your partner has just told you that they’re having serious doubts about the marriage, your first instinct might be to panic, defend, or placate (or all of the above!) But it’s essential in this moment to stay calm, even though it seems impossible right now. Your cool head can do wonders for ultimately saving …
Freaking Out Doesn’t Help When You’re On the Brink of Divorce Read More »
People usually keep their doubts about their marriage to themselves. I’m not talking about ordinary concerns about the relationship, or even feeling stuck in a pattern. I’m talking about worries about whether or not the relationship will survive. It’s scary to think about. If you tell others, you might get unhelpful suggestions like “go with …
Once upon a time when divorce was rare, most people were driven to it by what I call The Three A’s– affairs, addictions or abuse. Divorce meant that someone was chronically cheating, repeatedly intoxicated, or physically violent. These Three A’s are known as “hard” reasons for divorce because they represent dysfunctional behaviors that impact human …
How to Manage the Problems That Make Couples Divorce Read More »
I’ve worked with people in your shoes. You want to announce to someone that you’re considering divorce because you need some support. It’s a difficult and highly emotional place to be, so let’s set some guidelines to avoid making mistakes. One mistake is not telling anyone. When we do this, it’s often out of shame, …
Who to Tell (and NOT Tell) About Your Potential Divorce Read More »
We generally assume that when people enter the legal divorce process, they’ve come to accept the reality that divorce is inevitable. Even therapists and lawyers tend to assume that when the papers are filed, ambivalence about divorcing is gone and the only task ahead is to help couples have a constructive end to their marriage. …
A Marriage Isn’t Over Until It’s Over: Research on Divorce Ambivalence Read More »
Some of the muddiest waters of couples counseling are in the area of infidelity. What one partner defines as “friendship” may look like a budding romance to the other. This can lead to a lot of fights about what defines cheating in a relationship. Does it have to involve physical touch? Does there have to …
