Freaking Out Doesn’t Help When You’re On the Brink of Divorce

If your partner has just told you that they’re having serious doubts about the marriage, your first instinct might be to panic, defend, or placate (or all of the above!) But it’s essential in this moment to stay calm, even though it seems impossible right now. Your cool head can do wonders for ultimately saving the marriage if that’s what you want.

There are six things to do on when trying to save your marriage. Focus your attention on them and you’ll have your best shot.

  1. Don’t look for immediate resolution of the marital crisis. It took time to develop and it will take time to resolve.
  2. Confide in 1-2 friends with a healthy, balanced perspective on your marriage. Not everyone you know, and not your kids at this point.
  3. Practice self-care. Read a book for fun. Return to an abandoned hobby. Hang out with friends. Keep your brain and body occupied with healthy activities.
  4. Be there for your kids (young and grown up). Don’t pull back from them.
  5. If your spouse is confused, don’t get into long conversations where you insist on clarity. They don’t have it right now, so it will only make you feel worse and drive your spouse farther away.
  6. Know that your spouse needs time and space to think. This isn’t easy for them, either.

The journey toward saving your marriage isn’t easy. These six steps offer solid support to get through it. They may go against your instincts right now, but rest assured, your best chance is NOT adding more emotion and drama into the situation. If you need more guidance, reach out to your local discernment counselor.

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